Such Is Life
by Mookie Riffic
Summary: Story of a girl named Tamara. Not sure where this one is going, i'll make it up as I go. Over rated just to err on the side of caution. So read and review and all that standard jazz.
1. Writers block and cemetery sobs

Chapter 1

_Oh fie this writers block!_ the novelist thought angrily as she threw the quill across the room and added the ruined parchment to the growing stack of balls by her feet. "I just don't know what to write anymore!"

The author excelled, or used to anyway, at writing the flirtatious novels that women of the court favored, with out male approval of course. Her novels always had drama, and mystery, and excitement, and, yes, why not be blunt, raunchy sex. Her novels were often the only bright spots in otherwise dull, and dreary lives. Most of her novels were run of the mill, a penny a dozen, made from outlines that were absurdly lacking plot. Yet she remained, if not wealthy, the fairly well off. But now that she wanted to write an actual book, a historical fiction actually, fit for all audiences, all her grand ideas went right out the window.

Originally she had planned to pen the story of Idra, the rouge princess but after a fire in the inn where she was staying, her outline, and thus her entire story, went up in flames. So, what was a girl to do? A girl with writers block and a girl who desperately needed funds? _Well... Keep trying I guess. Or maybe I'll go for a walk to clear my head_. So gathering her things, namely her purse and a walking stick, the girl wondered down the back stairs of the inn and set a brisk pace towards her favorite place, a cemetery of all places, near the Great Houses of Haven.

Slowly pulling open the rusted gate slowly and glanced around superstitiously. _Oh stop being so silly, there's no need, I'm allowed in here after all! Its public property._ But even as she thought that, she looked around again, just in case someone should notice her. She had the gate open just enough to ease through it, her frame was fairly small, though slightly... as a man she once knew said, "chunky". She personally preferred thinking of herself as "generous" or "lush" or "curvy", but in moments of self weakness, and pity the man's cruel words would come back and haunt her. And with a vengeance they would Haunt. So, in other words, she was short and weighed more then thought proper. _Society be damned. Not like I don't _try _to loose weight, it just doesn't help any_. And so it was true. She just couldn't.

She stood on the other side of the gate and carefully latched it close again. She looked around the cemetery and grabbed a bouquet put on a grave stone to her right _As if the dead care._ She wasn't a non-believer per se, she just didn't know what she believed. She took bits and pieces from various religions and combined them to form something she liked. The bouquet gave her some credibility incase anyone were to show up and ask what she was doing. She could always say "Oh, pardon me, I was just wandering a bit before visiting my fathers grave" in which the stranger would reply with a predictable "Ah, that's all right, I'm sorry for your loss, how long ago did you lose him". In which she would look at the interloper, tilt her head and say "long enough. the pain is still there, but time is distancing it" And they would nod a farewell and go about their business leaving her to do as she please. All together, this suited her just fine.

But alas, no one else was in the cemetery, and after wandering for a good long while she sat down upon a beautifully carved bench and thought once again of her writing. _I need to at least start a novel by the end of the month. I need the advance._ but as she racked her brain for ideas, none were forthcoming. It seemed she was destined to not write another word. She slowly sighed and let her mind wander, once again attempting some of the relaxation exercises the monks tried, and failed, to teach her. But as always, just as she was starting to relax, something disturbed her. Sometimes it was a simple as the light shifting. This time it was someone discretely crying the next row over. She sat up and slowly stood before creeping toward the sobs. _...and the heroin crouches on hands and knees after hiking up her skirts and approaches the voice. Her heart breaks in too as she see's it is Emilie. Ah, poor Emile, to loose his love so soon, they had only a month together. She longed to wrap her arms around him and cradle him and let him sob himself out_. But no, the sobs weren't from a hansom man from one of her books, they were from a young boy, sitting against a tombstone with his knees drawn up to his chin. Her heart reached towards the boy anyway, but she reframed. How could she impose on his sorrow?

So she stood there, a silent witness to the boys pain, wondering what could have distressed him so. She doubted it was a death, the grave he was by was too old, and besides, he looked as out of place as she did. This was the resting place of the rich, not the middle class like her and the boy. She studied the boy from afar, he was an odd character, dressed in a dingie white, with unkempt hair, but despite the tear streaks, and the dirt on his hands and face, he had the most startling green eyes. The boy's sobs finally slowed and he became aware of his surroundings once again. He leaned his head back against the tombstone and quietly announced "Ow". She jumped a bit at the sound because his voice was deeper then she expected. It was a deep and rich sound that seemed to come from his chest, not his throat. He again looked up and said "Who ever is out there, please, come nearer. I could use some company, and its kind of odd with you standing there where I can't see you. Please?" His voice was so pleading, that what could she do but obliged?

Slowly she stepped into the boys sight as the boy rose, and she realized with a start that he must be at least 17, if not 18 or 19. She was flabbergasted. Back in her home town no man that old would have wept for fear of being called fey. _Aye, but remember what those bastards did on a regular basis._ She quickly suppressed the memories of her past life. The boy grimaced and softly spoke "Please, don't think so loud. It hurts my head."

Shocked her eyes opened wide, "You can hear me?". Her voice sounded fairly panicked but she couldn't help it. It just scared her out of her wits that someone could hear her thoughts.

"Yes, but its not because I want to. Its not even really your fault, I should have kept my shields up, but I was so depressed..." he stood and cast about for somewhere to look, anywhere but at her. She didn't know why. The boy finally looked up at her after a few minutes and bluntly said "Who are you?"

Startled she answered, not with her pen name, but with her real name, something she rarely gave out. "Tamara of Sweet River Spring." As she realized that she had given her real name she said "But everyone just calls me Celly."

"Why Celly? Why not Ta-mar-a?" He tilted his head aside, in a questioning way and gazed at her with eyes that made her flinch and tell the truth. But just because she told the truth, didn't mean she couldn't say it with style-or at least sarcasim.

"Its not Ta-mar-a. Its Tam-a-ra. And that's why I don't go by it, I hate people butchering my name, and Celly is just easier to say. Celly was my grandmothers name." The boy just kept looking at her, and she slowly shifted from side to side wondering what she should do. Finally he responded.

"You look more like a Tamara then a Celly. Celly just doesn't seem to fit you." She started again, and looked at him more carefully _Defiantly not a boy. Maybe physically, but not in mind._ Once again he must have heard her thoughts for he said "I'm 20. But I feel like I'm 50." there was an awkward pause before he picked up the non-exisistent thread of conversation "My name is Zailander. But I go by Zai."

"Ah.. Hi? Um. Zai, do you mind if I ask why you were crying?" Tamara finally moved closer to the boy and fished a handkerchief out of her back pocket of her breeches. She handed the piece of linen to him, and he unsuccessfully tried to scrub away the traces of his tears.

"Well, there's not much to tell. Um, as you can see, I'm a Herald, and I just got back from my internship circuit. And, to make a long story short, my mentor died to my negliance." Her heart wanted to reach out to the poor boy _no, he's older then that, he is defiantly a man,_ but instead she uttered the one phrase she hated most. "I'm sorry."

Zai shrugged as if it didn't matter, but she could tell that it did. She felt like she had failed some sort of unspoken test, a test that neither knew existed until she failed it. Though, maybe there was no way to pass it? What can you tell someone who is grieving to make them feel better? As she knew, nothing really helped. Only time helped, and time didn't lessen the pain, it just made it more distant. _Ah well, such is life._ Zai turned a moment later and reached down to gather his belongings. He straightened and clasped his sword belt around his hips and adjusted it to his liking, and then he swung his cloak over his shoulders.

He looked up at her and gave a halfhearted smile, one of those that would easily make most girl's hearts melt. She half smiled right back. He approached her and carefully gave her a hug. She wondered at the why of things before he broke the contact and stepped back. He looked down upon her, for he was several inches taller and said "If you ever want to talk about what's bothering you just go to the palace gate and ask for Herald Zai." He kissed her forehead and strode off.

_That was one of the odder moments in my odd life._ She watched as Zai disappeared from view, and for a moment she let herself mourn him and his brief passage through her life, followed by his walking away. Repeating her personal maxim, Tamara sighed _Ah, such is life._


	2. Paying The Rent

Disclaimer: Most of the characters are mine. The land, Velgarth, the country Valdemar, and anything else you recognize from one of Mercedes Lackey's books, aren't mine. (Sorry I forgot the disclaimer on Chapter 1. Oh well.)

Chapter 2-Paying the Rent

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Tamara started back to her desolate room at the inn, her thoughts turned towards Zai. She knew not whether it was simply curiosity on her part, or whether it was something more. She doubted she would ever find out, and as is normal for her, when she couldn't figure something out, she forced her self not to care. _After all, its not like caring ever helps. So if you don't care, you can't get hurt. And if you can't get hurt, life is just perfect._ But unfortunately, as she discovered time and time again, that theory never quite works like its supposed to.

When she finally reached her room, for the streets were becoming crowded for the evening rush, she breathed a sigh of relief to be out of the crowd and changed into her night clothes, another pair of breeches and a long flowy shirt. She sat at the window seat and pulled up her knees, unconsciously mimicking Zai's position earlier. She stared down into the street, looking, for what she knew naught, but looking none the less. She deluded herself into staying too long at the window by thinking that _I need to get inspiration._ But she knew this wasn't true, she just didn't know what she wanted anymore. She gave a sigh.

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The next morning dawned clear and blustery, as is typical for an autumn day. Tamara stretched lazily, bracing her feet on the foot board and trying to reach the headboard. As always, she failed to manage, but it helped her get moving for the day. She rolled out of the bed and pulled on the day clothes, today she must pretend to be well-off and wear a dress. Rent was due, and she didn't have it. Alas she had to convince the inn keeper it wouldn't be much longer, though she doubted wearing a dress would help, it certainly couldn't hurt. So she struggled into the infernal dress, hating all the flounces and skirts, but it was the only dress she had. _I have to remember to alter this thing soon_, altering it would have been a good choice, except that she was abdominal with anything to do with domestic chores.

She was, to be quite honest, a rather odd character. She never had found a place where she fit in real well. She usually did okay with individual people, but put her in a group and she floundered. Flounder being a mild word, because she closer resembled a cat dunked in a horse trough. _Humiliation and Embarrassment: My constant companions._ Finally dressed she gathered her bag and her walking stick and headed down the steps, trying to be unnoticed by the inn keeper. She carefully went into the common room and took a table in an odd out of the way nook. But despite her best attempts, with in moments of sitting the inn keeper approached carrying a stack of dishes. She shrank back slightly and pretended she was invisible, _I'm not here! Go away! See me? Nope. Cause I'm not here! Just an empty table, nothing to worry bout. Go away now. _The inn keeper, a burly man with a ladle stuck in his apron, set the dishes down on her table. According to Tamara's sources he was the cook as well, even though the inn was more then prosperous enough to hire one. _ I guess he just likes cooking. _

The inn keeper grinned at her and asked "So, what'll it be? Washing dishes, serving, straightening rooms, or rent?" He wasn't an unkind man, just practical. Tamara found herself liking the man, even as he asked her to do chores in exchange for rent.

Somehow she found her voice and looked up and said "None of the above?" She hoped that didn't sound rude. It wouldn't be good to insult the person you depended on for shelter.

Luckily for Tamara the innkeeper just laughed and replyed with an affectionate slap on the back that drove the breath out of her. He laughed as he responded "Oh what do you want to do? Read out loud?!" Tamara tilted her head slightly, and realized that that wasn't such a bad idea. She could do it. Read out loud for those that were illiterate or didn't have time. She nodded slowly to the innkeeper and he grew serious and contemplative. Finally he nodded back gruffly and said "'Aight. You start tonight. I don't care what you read, just make it acceptable for mixed company. I don't offer whores in my place, so I sure as hell don't want anything risqué. Got it?" Tamara nodded again before wondering what she could read. The innkeeper left to return to the kitchen, waving for a serving wench to take the dirty dishes from the table. The wench brought Tamara her meal and departed with a nod.

Tamara contemplated the food for a few minutes, it was of surprising quality and taste, the innkeeper was superb. But it didn't compete with the food of her home, not by a long shot. _Oh grandmamma. Why did you have to leave me with those brutes. You knew what would happen! We should have left together!_ Shaking her head, as if to clear away the cobwebs she blocked the thoughts off and dove into her food.

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Tamara hastily glanced through her books, trying to pick one out to read. She knew naught what to read, and she had to be down there in a quarter mark. As she rushed to get ready, still in the god-awful dress, she grabbed the first book that came to her hands with out looking at the title. _Ah well, if its one of my stories I know what parts to skip._ She hurried down the stairs, almost bowling over a chambermaid and her lover in the back stair case. Finally she reached the common room and the impatient innkeeper led her to a stool placed near the fire, up on a little platform. He stood next to her, with a hand on her shoulder, and coughed politely towards that audience. When that failed to get their attention he clapped his hands, yet again, ineffectively.

She decided that if she was going to do this, she needed to start before she lost her nerve. She stood up and in her best voice, not quite a shout, but more then loud enough to reach all corners of the inn she said "Excuse me ladies and gentleman." She slowly received silence, and the innkeeper moved off. She looked around the room, and started talking, not really knowing what she would say. "I have brought a book to read if you would like to hear it." Several of the patrons laughed, and a few returned to their previous conversations. But regardless, she plowed on. She had to be a success, or she would be thrown into the street, kind innkeeper or no. So she called for silence again and continued. "I have brought the story of" she faltered as she realized she didn't know what book it was. _Ay me. _She quickly read the title and relayed it to the crowd "The Battle of the Dark Servants. I hope you enjoy the story."

Quickly before she could loose her nerve she started the story. At first most of the patrons ignored her, but as time went on they started to listen. She read, herself caught up in the dark story of Herald Vanyel Demonsbane and Stefen, the serving girls often gave her mugs of ale to appease her parched throat, but she rarely had any. Just enough to keep her throat moist. Soon the inn was dead silent, even the innkeeper was listening, with his eyes closed leaning against the door jam. With the exception of Tamara's rich voice ringing out, it was silence. As silent as if a full bard was playing.

"Vanyel was a dim shape in the darkness beside her; there was no moon, and only the dim light of the stars penetrated the boughs of the hemlock bushes they hid beneath. She only knew he was there by the faint sound of his breathing, though they lay so closely together that had she moved her hand a fraction of an inch, he'd have touched him. Training and discipline held her quiet, though under other circumstances she'd have been shivering so hard her teeth would have rattled. The starlight reflected on the snow beneath them was enough to see by – enough to see the deadly danger to Valdemar that moved below them…" She continued the story, long into the night. And when she finally drew close, and shut the book softly everyone remained spell bound for a long moment.

The moment continued, and she allowed herself a moment of doubt, _Uh. This doesn't seem good… _As the patrons gradualy rose, as if finally noticing that it was long past midnight, and the inn should have closed an hour ago, they all deliberately passed her. Some to just thank her, most to drop a few coins in the bowl by her feet. She watched as the bowl filled up, and one of the serving girls brought another. Slowly both the bowls filled, copper by copper.

Finally the common room was emptied, with no one but Tamara, the innkeeper and the serving girls. The serving girls started laying out their pallets and cleaning up. The innkeeper approached and tried to joke "Well, I guess you just paid your rent." He gave a half laugh before speaking again. "I'll halve your rent, and move you to the Herald suit if you continue reading nightly. Your choice, any book game, no limits. Same set up as tonight."

Tamara started, she hardly suspected the offer, she was so surprised that she jumped up and hugged the innkeeper before she thought better of it. She then went to one of the bowls and counted out 3 months rent and handed it to the innkeeper. The innkeeper smiled and said he would have her things moved in the morning, but she could sleep in her new room tonight. He looked at her outfit, once again the awful dress, and added "there's a seamstress on Shaven Road by the name of Myrtha. Go see her and get yourself some new clothes. While I'm sure the costumers wont care what you look like after you start reading, they'll be more captivated earlier if you wear nice things all the time." He shrugged. "Lady, you are going to make this inn prosper. And I can only hope you prosper as well. G'nite."

The innkeeper left to the kitchen and Tamara looked around, still slightly stunned, and gathered up her books and the two bowls of money. She slowly mounted the steps towards her new room and once there stripped down to her smalls. She then gave a girlish giggle and dumped the bowls on the head, separating out the copper from the silver and, surprising, the few gold pieces. By the time she was done counting her head was swimming. She had never had that much money at once! Not even when her books had been selling rapidly, for she always got her money out as she needed it, from a new place they called a Bank. She had had more money then this before, but never so that she could touch it all at once. She was amazed. Totally blindsided. She carefully got her purse and put the money in it, it was near bursting. And she placed it under her pillow besides her dagger. She blew out the candles and started to go sleep, for the first time in a long time, not worried about much.

In the few minutes before sleep, when still in the half-awake, half-asleep phase, her thoughts turned to Zai. And she wondered, briefly before sleep came, who he was and the real cause of his sorrows.


	3. Zai's Lesson

Disclaimer: Most of the characters are mine. The land, Velgarth, the country Valdemar, and anything else you recognize from one of Mercedes Lackey's books, aren't mine. And yes, the passage from the "book" in chapter 2 is from the first section of Arrows Of The Queen and there will probably be a mention of the book from Brightly Burning too, you know the one that Lan reads out loud.

Chapter 3- Zai's Lesson

Myrtha turned out to be a kind woman, and even better yet, a stylish one that listened. When Tamara showed up at Myrtha's workshop and introduced herself as a friend of Raul, the innkeeper, Myrtha immediately became kind, motherly almost. Tamara was quite taken aback, because before mentioning Raul, Myrtha was just polite. _One must wonder if maybe those two are… friends? Hehehe… oh, wait… EW!_ At that thought Tamara was hard put to not giggle out loud.

Myrtha was a heavily set woman, but by no means fat. Every inch of her was muscle, well toned. And though her hands looked like they could belong to a blacksmith they were silky smooth and quite talented with a needle. Tamara was shown a flurry of fabrics, silks, linen, musilm, velvet, wool, wool plush, everything imaginable. And while Tamara had some say, most of it was ignored by Myrtha. Which was just as well because when Myrtha drew quick sketches of dresses she planned to make, they were utterly gorgeous. Tamara couldn't imagine anything lovlier. Myrtha nodded at Tamara's stunned gaze before shooing her out of the shop and saying that she would send a note when the dresses were ready.

Two weeks later Tamara received a message from Myrtha via a street urchin, she gave him a silver bit for his trouble. The next day she woke, relatively, early and went to Myrtha's shop. Myrtha showed her in and brightly greeted her. Tamara was there for the final fitting of the dresses, and coincidently enough, it was the only fitting. Myrtha brought out a gorgeous blue and silver dress that was deceptively simple. Tamara admired it for long moments before Myrtha, in her standard kind gruffness said "Well, are you going to put it on or not?" Tamara started and with an apology hurried to get into the dress. The dress didn't require a corset or a ladies maid to get into, and it didn't have a standard full skirt. Just the over skirt and one underskirt. The dress had a very classy neckline, oval, and didn't show anything, but hinted. The sleeves were tight against her arms until the elbow where they flared and dangled to her finger tips. The sleeves had a ribbon threaded down them so that they could be pulled up, not unlike the new blinds she bought for her room at the inn. The dress was, to put it simply, beautiful and everything Tamara had wanted in a dress and wonder of all wonders, it fit perfectly with out needing any alterations.

By the end of the scheduled 3 hour fitting session, which only took an hour, Tamara had a completely new wardrobe, and due to Myrtha's friendship with Raul, it only cost a quarter of what it should have. Tamara was overjoyed at her turn of luck and thanked Myrtha profusely before leading the boy paid to carry her packages back to her room.

On the way back to her room though Tamara stopped at a book store and spent a leisurely mark examining the books and selecting 3 to buy. The three she bought were all collections of shorter stories, because as she found out after the first night, her throat will hurt the next day if she's not careful. She also renegotiated with Raul so that she only had to read every other night, giving her voice a day of rest. Tonight would be the first time she was to read in one of her new dresses, and like a little girl, she was excited, not that she would ever admit it. Tamara loved new clothes, but only if they were on her terms and up to her specifications.

After paying the carrying boy and putting away her dresses Tamara went down to the kitchen for her dinner; on the nights she was to read Tamara ate early. Tonight was going to be a good night, Tamara just knew it, though she didn't know why it would be a good night. She had been reading for about a fortnight and was starting to gain a bit of fame. The inn was often standing room only and Raul had actually started making reservations for the tables. Tamara herself was ecstatic, though a small corner of her mind wondered why, when anyone could perform the same service. _Alas, it pays, and pays well. So who am I to argue about good fortune? Why doubt the luck when doubting can make the luck disappear… at least that's what grandmamma always said._

So as the inn started filling Tamara once again entered and stood on the platform, though by now she no longer had to ask for quite, it was given immediately. She looked around and announced "Tonight I have a new book, it tells the stories behind the story, all the details that are commonly left out the songs. I'm going to start with the story behind Berden's Ride. What I'm going to do is read the song first, and then read the story with all the missing information. Is that okay with everyone?" Everyone in the inn cheered and nodded agreement, each in their own fashion. And after a few moments silences descended again, and Tamara started to read. The audience soon fell into spell of her voice.

After about a mark Tamara finished the story and once again there was an appreciative silence. It was only broken by clapping as the patrons called for more. Tamara stood gracefully and bowed. "I will read another, but I fear I need to get a drink before hand. So if you will wait patiently, I will return with in a half mark." At this she left the common room and headed up to her room where the serving maids will have left a drink and some fresh fruit.

She moved into her room and collapsed in her chair, for as much as she enjoys the reading it rather exhausts her. As is normal when she got tired, she let her mind run, and as such an argument broke out. _Ugh, I'm too old for this. Oh get over it, your only 19. You aren't old until you have wrinkles and your bones creak. Really now? Then why do I feel so tired?? You're tired because… I don't know. If I knew it wouldn't be a problem now would it?!??_ Tamara laughed at herself, making a mental note to never tell anyone about these arguments. For surely if anyone knew she'd be thrown in a mad house _Not a place I want to visit anytime soon._ Just as she was about to rise to return to the common room, there was a knock on her door. _Hmm… Wonder who would knock on my door… Well lets find out…_ "Whose there?"

There was a noise outside her door, as if someone was deciding whether or not to respond, so she inquired again and rose. She grabbed her knife and dagger and stood to the side of the door. When there was still no answer she called a final time. She could hear the intruder outside the door, and she was not thrilled. Finally after several moments the mysterious person said something, "Please put down the knife and dagger, for as easily as I could disarm you, I really don't want to see you hurt in the process as would be likely to happen."

Starting Tamara lowered her weapons and called out "Zai? Is that really you?"

The unknown person, now identified as Zai responded "In the flesh, now can I come in?" Before she could respond to the question the door was gently pushed open. A semi-familiar head poked into her room and shouted a cheery "Ha-Llo!" which made Tamara jump again.

"Why hello there. How did you find me? More importantly I suppose would be the Why you found me?" Zai stepped fully in the room and casually looked her up and down. She returned it look for look all the while her mind babbled incoherently. Zai continued staring, long after what would be considered normal, and as her mind finally started to settle she realized that Zai wasn't dressed in his uniform. He was in simple black breeches with a white shirt, his coat being hung over one arm, the fabrics were very lush, and obviously expensive. She was confused as to where his uniform was, and once again he supplied the answer as if he could read her thoughts, which of course, he could.

"Oh, my uniforms all need to be remade because they were trashed so bad on my circuit. And I came down here because I figure if I can't be found for a while, I can't get new orders yet!" He gave a slight laugh, as if it was some sort of joke, a joke she didn't understand. He continued not noticing that she didn't share in his mirth, "Oh Tamara, by the way I heard you were going by that now, not "Celly. And I think that's all to the best. As for how I found you, your becoming famous for your reading, and I can verify that the fame isn't falsely awarded."

Tamara backed away form him and sat down on her bed, motioning for him to take the only chair. As he crossed the room she noted him taking in all the details of its sparseness: The bed in the corner under the window, the small fireplace and hearth, only suitable for brewing tea across from the bed, and the small desk with the well-worn chair. She never bothered to personalize her rooms, even when her fingers itched for some patterned paper or some paint, she never gave in. _What's the point of redecorating? Last time I tried it I only enjoyed the finish for two days before I was run out._ Zai also studied her again, though much more subtly. She wondered what the reason for his visit was.

Zai spoke softly into the silence. "I came because your special. And that day at the grave yard, you were there to help comfort me, and I wanted to return the favor. And I think I have some things I could teach you, they could prove helpful." Zai the looked down at the floor shyly, as if unsure of the next step. She didn't respond to him, just kept looking at him, wondering what he wanted. He started again speaking haughtenly "You see, your thoughts, they are in broadcast mode, you need to shield. Can I show you? Please? I can get 'Lenna's help. 'Lenna being my companion. Uh, Please?"

Tamara considered this, and asked "No one will be able to hear my thoughts anymore?" Zai nodded. "Not even you? Or another herald?" He nodded again, and she nodded back. "Okay then, teach me."

His eyes grew unfocused for a moment and then she felt something odd in her head. It felt like someone was poking her, trying to get her attention. She turned around to look and see if anything was behind her when she heard the most astonishing thing. _:Well, heard might not be the most appropriate word, considering I'm not vocalizing. But that's getting technical. The 'poking' is me. We need to link, and for that I need you to take down your natural shields.: _She started for a moment, but quickly adjusted and tentively asked "Like this?" as she imagined clear air between them. Zai nodded, _:Exactly,: _ and he gently moved his mind closer to hers, soon she could hear his surface thoughts, and then he started 'speaking' again. _:This is call mindspeaking, usually only Heralds, healers, and bards have it, usually only heralds though. Now watch closely. This is how you ground and center.:_ She watched as he showed her what to do inside her head and quickly duplicated that with out his prompting. _:Well good! You're a quick study. Now, here's how you shield, just imagine a wall between you and the rest of the world. I personally imagine a brick wall, though some use curtains or veils. It's a matter of preference and what works best for you. Now, you can make your shields as thick or as thin as you want. The thinner they are the more that can get through. Okay?: _she nodded and immediately built walls around her mind. She built them as fast as she could, made them quite thick too. In her minds eye they were several feet thick.

Zai started as he watched her shields form, and spoke out loud. "Whoa there! Slow down, you blocked me out of the link, you don't need them full strength all the time, it will take too much energy. Just know you can thicken them at will." With a small sound Tamara thinned her shields considerably, and soon felt Zai again.

Tamara wondered what would happen if she tried to mind speak him. She carefully formed the words in her mind and pointed them at him _:CAN YOU HEAR ME?: _Zai was comical as he practically fell out of his chair and cursed to make a sailor swear. Tamara was caught between laughter at Zai's antics and tears from fearing she messed up, _wouldn't be the first time._ When Zai finally recovered he sent back to her a feeling of assurance _:Quite well actually, now try speaking a bit softer.: _

Feeling slightly silly she tried again _:uh.. Hi?: _Zai laughed silently, _:Yes, much better. You're a fast learner. Normally when I'm teaching the Trainees they insist on shouting for at least a day or two. Are you feeling tired yet?:_

Confused and still slightly off balance Tamara spoke the trust. _:Well actually, yes. Quite. It's the oddest thing… But I really need to get back down to the common room.: _Glancing at the clock she exclaimed and started to rise _:I'm a full mark late! Oh no! Raul will be so upset with me!: _ Zai slowly reached out as she started to head towards the door and pulled her back to her bed. "Sit down, its okay. I talked to Raul, and he told the common room that you took slightly ill. Its okay. Your going to get a headache soon," at her grimace of agreement about the head ache he nodded and made her lie down, "There you go, just go to sleep. Sleep off the headache. Tomorrow is another day, and another adventure. See you then."

He headed for the door, and as he was leaving he barely heard he quite "Goodbye" as she drifted into sleep. He smiled and headed for the stables, _:Ready 'Lenna?:_

He heard a whicker from behind the other side of the door _:Always for you my chosen. Now lets go home.: _As Zai returned home his thoughts kept turning towards Tamara. Towards Tamara and how he had to convince her to enroll in the Collegium for real gift training. For she had more then mindspeaking. _I'll deal with it tomorrow I guess._

_

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AN: Okay, so that one wasn't quite what I was planning (not that I'm planning any of this anyway.)_

_ Just wanted to state that I know I've been posting fairly rapidly, but it probably wont last past the first of the year, so I'm trying to post a lot now so I don't feel guilty then, heh. So just read and review, you know the drill. _


	4. King Cyran

Most of the characters are mine. The land, Velgarth, the country Valdemar, and anything else you recognize from one of Mercedes Lackey's books, aren't mine.

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Chapter 4- King Cyran

The next day dawned. _Bright and clear is how it supposed to be. But N0oo0o. With my luck its dank and dreary. Such is life. Though it has been getting a bit better… hm…_ So since the day didn't dawn bright and clear, but dank and dreary, she decided to stay in and not leave the inn. But despite her plans to do other wise by noon she was out and about walking towards the center of the city.

_Damn Zai. Making me go out in this muck. And why does he want me at the palace? I'll fit in there as well as a wolf in a herd of sheep. _This image brought a little chuckle to her mind and despite her internal grumblings she soon found herself at the gate of the palace, and was waved in. Slightly confused at this, she cautiously looked around. After a few minutes of standing there she noticed some movement from the corner of her eye. She turned to look and realized that it was a group of people, 5 to be exact that were approaching. _I wonder where they are going. They don't look like they're on a pleasure jaunt…. Oh my… Turn left. Turn left!!! TURN LEFT! Gah! Time to be polite._ She no longer worried about screaming inside her head, a rather odd habit of hers, due to her shields.

She stood still while the group finished approaching, and one of the five turned out to be Zai who bounded ahead of the rest. _Halleluiah for small wonders._ Zai gave her a brief hug and a kiss on the cheek and turned to introduce the others just as they came with in a comfortable speaking distance. He kept his arm around her shoulder the whole time though; _Odd.. I can't decide if I like it or not… meh, I'll just leave it be. It wont hurt. Hell, maybe it'll make these people more kindly disposed towards me._ Just as she finished that thought Zai began the introductions.

The first was a man named Ran who was the weapons master. Ran just grunted a greeting and stood with his hands clasped behind his back, he was rather tall, or at least a head taller then her, and had a craggy face with harsh plane lines. He was, to be frank, quite terrifying, or would have been to anyone but Tamara. _Of course, its always the pretty, attractive ones that are scary._ The next person was a woman simply called Dean. As Zai explained, this rather birdlike woman's name was Dean, and she was the Dean of the collegium, so it better to simply call her Dean instead of Dean Dean. Tamara gave a little half-laugh at that and shook Dean's hand. The 3rd stranger turned out to be the King's Own, who was leading the 4th person. The king's own was rather unremarkable, a farmer by appearance, but it was when he spoke, just one word mind you, that she realized why this man was considered 'great'. His voice was rich and very deep, and even the simplest phrase took on hundreds of connotations when he said it. The man he was leading was a very proud upright man by his appearance, and seemed very self sufficient, except for the walking stick in one hand, the empty eyes that stared at nothing, and the hand on the King's Own shoulder. "And these two find gentlemen are Taver, the King's Own, and Cyran that king." With a start at the fact that it was the king, for he had no markings of rank, she quickly dropped into a curtsy, or tried to because she forgot about Zai's arm about her shoulder, which knocked her on her head.

"Oh come on my dear, I'm blind. I ceased caring if someone curtsies or bows, its only because of Taver anyone still does them." The king gave a laugh which everyone shared and slowly reached a hand out towards Tamara, she quickly grasped it and the king gave her a firm hand shake before replacing the hand on Taver's shoulder. The king nodded then, "Okay, she can stay. Enroll her, now come on Taver, I do believe its almost time for audiences. Right?" as they moved away Taver said something indistinct to cause the king to laugh again and he could be heard complaining about the nobles quite loudly.

After the kings departure Ran once again looked over and grunted. "Salle, 2 bells after noon." Before departing himself. Rather confused Tamara looked at Zai with a wondering look in her eyes. Zai simply motioned for her to stay silent. Now it was just the three of them, Tamara, Zai, and the Dean. Tamara managed not to fidget, only by great will power, as she waited for the Dean to speak. Finally the Dean spoke. "Well come along now. We'll get you settled in. Zai, go get her things. She's staying."

Tamara started to ask what was going on when the Dead turned her gaze on Zai. She looked like she could kill him with a look. "Zai. Didn't you ask, or at least tell, Tamara what was happening?" At Zai's shameful shake of the head the dean sighed. "Of course, a male would never think of a thing like that! Now come along now dear, I'll explain everything." And with that the dean grabbed her arm and dragged her towards the palace, leaving Zai behind laughing at her expression.

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Tamara looked around her new room. It was simple, and similar to her room at the inn. _Poor Raul, I hope he knows I didn't mean to leave. Well, maybe they will continue to let me go down to the inn. That could be cool.. Maybe a bard will lend me a book or two I could read._ She sighed as she changed into her new uniform, a pale blue set of tunics and breeches. _I know I look good in blue, but not this shade. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers… not that I begged, oh no. I was just pushed! Gah! _She put the rest of her uniforms away and opened the window in her room, it's view wasn't great, but it wasn't bad, and since it was sunken in and sheltered it was unlikely she would need the shutters. _All for the better, I always liked watching storms. And hey, lookie here, I could sneak out of this one, all I gotta do is be careful of the bushes… or I could sneak someone in.. hm...._

A giant bell rang out reminding Tamara that she had to get to the "salle" within a quarter mark. She left her room and carefully closed the door before sprinting down the hall way and outside towards the salle. She hoped she wasn't late. She soon came to what she assumed was the Salle, a bit wooden building with windows up at the top and a big barnyard door. She pulled open the door and stepped into a large room, with only a few benches and some practice equipment. Tamara noticed that it was quite empty in the building, for she heard not a sound of anyone, nor saw anyone. Very carefully she drew her knife and dagger, now glad she bought them, and headed towards an open door on the other side of the Salle. From where she could tell that the door opened into an apartment of some sort, and she wondered if maybe Ran had gotten sick. As she got to the door she slowly eased it open using her foot until she could fit through it _I really need to lose some weight…_. She slowly went from room to room, keeping her guard up, until she was back in the Salle, _I guess the rooms made a U. Handy. _ Once there she sat on a bench and proceeded to wait.

She needn't to sit for by the time she started to relax there was a blur as someone threw something, it barely passed her head, and actually cut some hair. She immediately dropped behind the bench and spotted the attacker. She was shocked when she noticed it was Ran, but by that time she was too worried about staying alive. She was fortunate to be right by a cabinet of practice knives, so she immediately grabbed one and started hurling at Ran. By the time they ran out no few were twitching in the wall where Ran's head had been before moving, always just one step ahead of her.

Once out of knives she spent a few seconds pondering her choices. All she had left were her knife and dagger and Ran was likewise armed. _Well he out weights me, is in better shape, has more skill, a longer reach, I suppose my only chance is to do a full out attack. _She got into a crouch position and noticed him inching nearer and nearer. She waited until he was within a leaps distance of her, and she sprung. Unfortunately, instead of hitting his back as she intended she over shot, and ended up rolling past him by several feet. As she resumed her footing she noticed she was right by the door of the salle, so she did as any sane person would do, she ran.

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"YOU DID WHAT?!?" the King roared at Ran. Oh the king was in a fine temper, not even the ever calming presence of Taver was helping. Not even the king's companion Sensar was could help. The king wailed about with his walking stick, and succeeded in smacking Ran in the knee. "YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT! WHAT IF SHE LEAVES? YOU YOURSELF SAID IT WAS IMPERIATIVE TO KEEP HER HERE. Not that you will share the _vital _answer to the question 'WHY'!!" The king was actually turning purple in anger, and it was just as well he still wasn't comfortable enough with his blindness to pace, because if he had, it might have turned into a charge against Ran. The king had a legendary temper, and though he rarely showed it, everyone was careful.

Ran spoke quietly, "I have to have her trained, and in top physical condition by midwinter. I don't know why either sir, otherwise I would tell you why. I just know that we have to do this. And I thought the best way to start would be to engage her in combat. She did much better then I expected. I hadn't planned on her to run away."

The king growled deep in his throat and spoke through clenched teeth "_Obviously._" He fumed for a few more minutes before calming down. "Bring her to me. Let me explain it." Though everyone was clearly shocked by this decision, they didn't argue, and a page was dispatched to find Tamara immediately. The king then surprised everyone further by ordering everyone out, including Taver who rarely left the king's side. Once everyone was gone, the king carefully evoked one of his weaker gifts, he rarely used it for it left him drained and was often erratic, but he believed the need sufficient. _:Sensar?: _ The king gently called out to his companion, and at the wave of welcome that greeted him he continued _:Sensar, can you give me a boost so that my othersight will work?: _The companion was startled at the request but agreed anyway.

The king sat back and waited until Tamara arrived. He didn't wait long before she carefully slipped in the door and gently closed it. Cyran watched her form, depicted in white and blue colors in his other form, come stand before him and start to drop into a curtsy before remembering early. She straightened up and coughed gently "Your majesty?" Cyran nodded and drew a breath.

"My lady, I want to apologize on the behalf of Ran. You see, the companions and the foreseers have informed us that you must be fully trained in weapons by midwinter. And Ran's way of testing what you knew was rather, unexpected to all. He did not mean to scare you away, and we all would like you to stay for further training with him. You must be trained. If you can't train under Ran, we will gladly find you a new weaponsmaster. But I state once again, you have no other choice. You must be trained." The king watched as her form stiffened with shock and then took a thoughtful pose as she considered what he said. He expected this so he leaned back for a moment and waited.

"Why must I be trained?" The king didn't expect the question, _I suppose I should have. _So he spoke only the honest truth when answering her.

"We don't know." She appeared to be thinking again, then she did something the Cyran never expected. _:Well sir, then I guess if the foreseers and companions say so, then I better. And I will work with Ran, I over reacted after the… 'session'. I just want to know, what does the blue uniform mean? I get the pale green, the rusty color, and the gray, but I don't understand the blue.:_

Cyran chuckled before answering "The blue is for the unaffiliated students, those in neither of the three disciplines of Heraldic, Bardic, or Healing arts." She nodded and voiced her understanding. "Very well, I'm glad nothing came of this episode with Ran. Tamara, you are going to be vital to Valdemar soon. We don't know why, just that you will be."

Tamara must have taken that last statement as a dismissal even though that's not what Cyran meant. Cyran decided he liked this young girl's company, and didn't want her to go, but he let her go none the less, for he was feeling an awful reaction headache forming. As she left, he noticed that she turned back towards him, as if peering at him, before she fled.

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_AU: I actually did some planning about what would happen in this story. So I know part of it, but the story isn't ready to reach the part I planned yet, and I'm not sure how to get it there, but I will! Lol. So, onward I will go. Hope you've enjoyed it so far. I know sometimes my writing may be a bit odd, but mainly because I haven't been proofing this real great. I've been writting this inbetween writing essays for school. shrugs so this is the lesser priority. Well, ttfn_


	5. Taver and Tamara

Disclaimer: Most of the characters are mine. The land, Velgarth, the country Valdemar, and anything else you recognize from one of Mercedes Lackey's books, aren't mine.

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Chapter 5- Taver and Tamara

Tamara was actually enjoying life for the first time in ages. When she was expelled from her home back when she was a child, she stopped enjoying life. The actions of her "fellow man" had disgusted her and she began to fear the dawning of a new day, for a new day would mean another chance to be hurt. Her fears were easing now, partly because of Zai, the ever present support, and the extensive classes she was taking, she had no time to fear.

Her relationship with Zai was also changing extensively. Not that it ever had a chance to form as something specific to begin with. Tamara had been at the collegium for about a month, and was finally adjusting to her new life style, when Zai asked her to move into her suite. He said "it would give you more room, and besides, ever since Janathan left for circuit, I've been rattling around in the suite for no reason. Its got four rooms, and only me in it! Say you'll consider?" She had considered it, and she still didn't know what she would tell him. She had asked to be given a week to decide, and the week was coming to a close, she was no closer to deciding.

Her class load was impressive. She had weapons training _twice _a day, for a total of 4 candlemarks. The first mark was in endurance exercises and running the foot obstacle course. It wasn't unheard of to see her doing laps around the companion field. The second mark was then spent working on range weapons, javelin, spear, bow, crossbow, ax, daggers, knifes; you name it, and she had probably thrown it. After the first 2 marks of weaponswork she was able to return to the collegium for a quick bath before rushing to breakfast, and after breakfast she had Valdemaran history, then a course on laws, then she had a half mark to relax, then geography, mathematics, accounting, court etiquette, field healing, and then she had weapons again, 2 marks of sword and knife fighting. She was rather busy, but luckily she was never assigned homework, due to her teacher's respect of her busy schedule, and the hidden deadline of midwinter. She also never had chores, being as she was officially an Unaffiliate- blue. She never spent any length of time with the blues, mainly because she didn't fit in with either the noble-blues or the artificers. She didn't really fit anywhere since no one knew why she had to be trained.

It was altogether overwhelming, and on top of Zai's proposal, she didn't know what to do. She had almost no time to stop and think. She was constantly busy and as such when Zai showed up at her door with several servants she was surprised. "Hi Zai. Did I forget to do something again?"

"No, no, gods no, Tamara, you've been working harder then anyone else I've ever seen, and no one even knows why! I don't know, that's just amazing to me… But anyway, did you think about my offer?" As he watched her face for her reactions to his inquiry, he slowly morphed his face into the puppy doge eyes that he knew she found irristable. After a few moments she slowly nodded, and taking that as an affirmative he gave a shout and dragged in the servants and set them to packing. Tamara tried to direct them, but they ignored her, and gently pushed her into the hallway.

Standing there, confused at the way the servants were acting, her fatigue started catching up to her. Just as she swayed and was about to fall, Zai, the ever convient and gallent Zai, scooped her up and carried her to her new bed, where he tucked her in and deposited a chaste kiss on her forehead.

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There were three months left to midwinter and every day brought a new, faster pace to Tamara's training. Weaponsmaster Ran now trained her during all times of day. It wasn't uncommon for him, or one of the older students to attack her in the middle of class or in the hall. Anywhere was fair game, even while she was bathing, or when she was in her bed. It was after the night-attack which found her lacking a bed, for it had been used as a shield, that her relationship with Zai rose a notch.

She had known for sometime that Zai wanted to elevate their relationship, and she had neatly avoided the topic, but even she wasn't immune when he rushed into her room with nothing but a sword belt on to "protect her" from Ran. That night proved to be a night of firsts: first night attack, first lesson in fighting 2-on-1, and first night spent in bed with a guy. Since then Tamara often found herself thinking the same thoughts, _My god, its like I'm living in one of my books, raunchy sex and all._ She found it slightly disturbing.

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Midwinter was a week away, and Tamara herself started feeling the tension. She stopped going to all her classes by weapons, and spent hours and hours there, bouting with any who would come. She didn't know why, but she just felt that she had to be totally trained, and that things couldn't wait. 3 days to midwinter though, she just stopped. She no longer went to weapons, she didn't return to her other classes, she just spent all day walking around the halls, armed to the teeth, not knowing why, just thinking that it was the right thing for her to be doing. She started to worry others, no one understood except her, and possibly Ran, for after he finished with the trainees for the day, he would spend a candlemark or two with her in the hallways or would roam while she got some sleep.

It was during one of her few breaks for rest that Zai proposed. It was all very elegant, mostly ecause he didn't understand the stress she was in, he did up the suite with flowers everywhere, rosepetals on the ground (where he found them at that time of year, she never figured out), and when she entered to sleep she found him in their room waiting for her. He slowly took her hand while holding eye contact, and dropped gracefully down on one knee. He looked at her and spoke the words she wanted most to _not _hear. "Tamara, I love you with all my heart. Will you marry me?"

Frozen in place, Tamara couldn't answer, she knew she couldn't marry him, though why she didn't know. It was the same prompting that told her she had to be trained. But even as she opened her mouth to tell him no, Zai froze, a mask of horror upon his face. He started trembling so hard, still holding her hand that she fell, and fell hard, she was barely able to keep from breaking her arm. She crawled towards him and tried to hold him, tried to calm him, but he was panicing. He just kept rocking, and gently saying "No" over and over again. Finally just as he collapsed the bell started its solemn tolling.

She had never heard it before, but she knew instantly what it was. The Death Bell. A Herald had died somehow, and she had no way of knowing until Zai pulled himself together enough to enlighten her. She began to grow jealous, she knew she shouldn't, because obviously the death was of someone Zai knew well, but she had no bonds with anyone. She hadn't a companion, she hadn't a lifebond like some of the others, she hadn't even the bond of duty. All she had was an inner prompting that was driving her to the limits of her endurance. She started to cry, something she hadn't done in ages, the tears slipping quietly down her cheek as she continued to rock Zai. She couldn't stop the tears, and it only got worse when she heard the name of the deceased escape Zai's lips. It was so soft she almost didn't believe it, but she did, for her inner prompting said to. "Taver."

Taver was gone. The quite, farmboy figure with blood as blue as the king's. Taver, the man who was quicker then light, who was the only one who could beat her at sword work. Taver, who tutored her endlessly on the laws and history of Valdemar, needing no other reason then "my inner prompting said I should ask you." Taver who had let her meet his companion, Roald, and even ride him. Taver… the best friend of the king…

_Oh god! The King! _ Before she knew what she was doing, Tamara was up, and running. She quickly knocked on the next door, an old bard, and asked the man to go be with Zai. Once she had her answer she ducked outside, running towards the queen's gardens, cutting outside being the quickest path.

As she was halfway across the gardens in between a huge white figure reared up. Immediately knowing it was Roald, she didn't even ask for permission, she just flung herself up on his back as he launched himself towards the palace doors. It was a flight that cut minutes off her time. And as Roald charged towards the doors she prepared herself to leap from his back. But just as she started to leap Roald turned his head and the blue eye's caught her. She felt herself falling into their depths, every fear and feeling of loneliness banished, and though it felt like forever, it only lasted for a second. Roald spoke into her mind for the first time, _Tamara, I choose you. You are the new King's Own. We will talk later, but now you must go to the King! Hurry!_

And once again she was on the ground, running, this time through the halls of the palace. She quickly passed all the guards in the corrider, but she was stalled outside of the Royal suit. The guards didn't even move to bar her way, as she crashed headlong through the doors. She wondered at why that happened when she glanced down. She actually pulled up short when she realized that he formerly blue uniform was now bleached white. But even after this amazing discovery she rushed on, straight into the king's private room.

She found him there, on the floor beside his bed, trying to find his walking stick, screaming as loud as he could, cursing the fates and calling out Taver's name. The sightless eye's lacked any sanity, and it was as she touched the King's arm that she realized that Taver had been his twin. The twin of his soul, and of his blood. Tamara quickly reached into the kings mind, trying to pull him out of his ever deepening despair, to try and return him to sanity. She felt his Companion, Sensar trying to do the same, but the Companion was loosing. She brought the kings mind closer and closer to her's, until their minds began to meld, a tighter link then she had ever experienced. She didn't wonder at that though, she was too worried about the king. As their minds melded she felt his grief pour into her mind, and soon she was weeping again, the tears forming a stream down her face, to fall upon the king's head where she had it cradled.

Slowly sanity returned to the sightless eyes and the tears of despair turned to tears of grief. The king and Tamara continued to grieve for long hours, holding each other. They thought only of Taver, concentrating on the good memories. It wasn't until they were both out of tears that their talk turned to how he died, for Tamara still didn't know. The king spoke of the incident, "It's the soul-twin bond you see, that and the Herald bond, whereas most only know what happened, I _lived _it. Taver was killed, murdered. Taver had a reaction headache, because he may have one of the strongest mindspeaking gifts in the circle, but even Rethwellen is a bit far for him. But he did, and he got the information needed from the envoy there. Well to ease his headache he sent a page after some tea prescribed from the healers, and the page went in to the healers store room, to get the tea, but on the way out someone stumbled into the boy, and switched the bags of tea. Taver was poisoned."

Tamara let this information sink in before posing a question, "Can't we find out who switched the bags by questioning the page? Surely with the truth spell we can find out." At this the king shook his head.

"No my dear, we can't find out. For the boy was killed after delivering the tea, we found the body in a spare room, his throat slashed." The king seemed to wilt like a flower under the desert sun before a look of determination crossed his face. "Taver will be avenged. No matter the cost, I will find the killer, and bring him down. "

"Aye my king, and I will help, for I too want Taver avenged. As will the entire circle." The king nodded and attempted to rise. Tamara scrambled to help him, and once he gained his bearings he got in to bed. Tamara watched the king, wondering at how he found the strength to go on, she felt that she would have broken long ago if she was him. But he remained steadfast nonetheless. He reached out to a book case next to his bed and selected a book by feel. He held it out towards her and asked gently "Read to me please? Taver wrote this, long ago when we were still boys, I think you should know what's in there and I think it will help comfort us both."

Tamara took the book gently and opened it to the first page. She reverently smoothed the page down and started speaking, "Karse is at it again, they attacked and killed 5 Hearlds. Da told me and Cyran about it this morning, Da looked so tired, there were circles under his eyes. I'm glad I haven't been chosen yet, I don't think I could have stayed sane if I felt the Heralds die the way Shawna must of. Poor Shawna, she was a year-mate of three of them. Cyran as always was strong, and ordered, yes my twin actually ordered our dad, the king back to bed. I'm glad Cyran is first born, I don't want to be king. I'll be happy just being the King's Own. Shawna already told me I would be, and that was why they were training me just like a herald. I hope Shawna lives long…." And long into the night Tamara read, and long into the night King Cyran listened.

When dawn broke again, bright and with out a cloud in sight, the heralds began their official mourning, and the King was found sleeping in his bed, with Tamara at his side. The servants who came to wake the King didn't disturb them, for as they reported later, it seemed as if a ghost was above them, watching them and keeping them safe until they awoke.

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_AN: I probably wrote that chapter 4 times. I'd write it, and then decide that I didn't like it. So I'd rewrite it. And don't fear, even though I was tempted to say "Wow, its done" its not. Mainly because I'm not ready to let Tamara go yet. (And I need to work on creative writing) So, read and review, you know the deal._


	6. A Year and A Day

Disclaimer: I own only the things you don't recognize as being Mercedes Lackey's.

Chapter 6-A year and a day

Taver's death caused the entire Heraldic circle to be on its guard. It wasn't uncommon to see heralds fully armed lurking near the King or his new King's Own. Though fewer were around the King's Own, for if she saw them, she would ask them to bout with her-not a thing most wanted to do, for she would win.

As for Tamara, she was _Adjusting. That's all I ever do, I adjust. Blech._ Though she found the increasing tasks of King's Own overwhelming, she adjusted. He favorite time of the day, or rather of the night, was the evening when she would spend several hours with Roald and the Cyran. These hours were her most enjoyable for she felt most like herself at these moments, even as Cyran and Roald quizzed her on her new duties. Tamara never felt lonely anymore, not with the King and Roald as her constant companions, though sometimes she still wondered how Zai was; he had been sent out on a circuit up by the northern boarder after Taver's burial.

Zai sent her letters every day, and she was rather alarmed with their frequency but because of her duties she often forgot about it. The one constant in her ever busy, every changing life was, oddly enough, her schedule. While the people may have changed daily, what she did actually the same day in day out.

Tamara and the Cyran spent almost every waking moment together, even when they weren't working. Tamara sure didn't understand why she was so drawn to the King, but since it appeared to be mutual, she would just shrug it off. Cyran on the other hand was very bewildered about this attraction to her, that he often spent long hours, usually during audiences, talking to Sensar about it. But Sensar never gave a satisfactory answer, it was as if he was hiding something.

A year after Taver's death the heralds gradually ceased to guard the king as closely, much to the king's delight, and things became more normal. By this time Tamara was respected for both her knowledge and common sense and nothing could shake her from her seat. The King gradually started debating thinking about taking his relationship with Tamara to another level when once again the fates decided it was time to screw things up again.

Zai's letters stopped coming

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_Authors note: Yeah its short, I was planning on it being longer but I figured I better just post something while I have it since I haven't in a while. Hopefully once my schedule evens out I'll post more often._


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